Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Cycle of Abuse

You hear the commercials about stopping the cycle of abuse. I wonder how many people really understand what that means. It's not a given that if you're a victim and you get therapy that your children will be not victims. I know from first hand experience.

My main motive for continuing my therapy even when it got down right ugly was that I didn't want to be responsible for setting my children up to be victims. Before I even got to the ritualistic abuse discovery in my therapy, I had already figured out that family rules and my perception of what it would take to be happy were really a trap for my children.

By that time I had two teenagers and two small children. Unfortunately the behavior of the two older children was pretty well set. As much time and energy as we spent in family therapy trying to change the family rules and be sure my kids had the tools to protect themselves, it didn't really work that well.

I watch my grandchildren and see that they are susceptible. Their family dynamics involve manipulation and control, huge power struggles , all win/lose type situations. Those kids have more excuses for why life doesn't go their way and little sense of their personal power, typical victim behavior. It is frustrating to watch.

Offenders know the signs. They can spot a potential victim and begin their grooming process making sure by the time they violate their victim, they have the power and control it takes to protect their secret.

What really scares me is that my daughter's step-father-in-law was accused of sexually abusing his daughter many years ago but the charges were dropped because the victim recanted. To this day the entire family is still engaged in protecting him.

To be continued...........

Part 2

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