Monday, January 12, 2009

The Question of All Questions

JIP did a series of posts about her experiences with God during cult activity. The first of those one seed of truth
tells of the gift she was given by God that she didn't even realize was there until now. With the help of her pastor, JIP was able to recognize that gift given long ago. JIP calls that gift the "seed of truth." me, I would call it hope.

I believe we all receive that gift. We may not know it and even if we do, we may not know what to do with it or we may not even want it. But the fact we have it is significant. I think hope is the thing it takes to keep us hanging in there and trying to get free.

The second post in the series,
the seed of truth part two has the specific experiences that JIP remembers God being there even if she didn't understand it was He or his messengers. She remembers being saved from dying and getting comfort.........but not being saved from the abuse.

The question is "Why did God not just save JIP?" Just as any victim asks of God, "Why did you let this happen to me?" Most of us have heard the answer but think it's just a cop out of some kind.

What would make "free will" more important than the pain of a child? While I'm not a theologian I can see the problems that would arise if God fixed things whenever He felt like it. Also, I'm pretty sure we humans are so fickle we'd still be mad at Him because He'd fixed something we didn't think needed fixing. He is the All Knowing One, not us, maybe we just need to trust.

I think there's really no point in going around and around on that subject of free will anyhow. Most people will never understand it, it's more an acceptance based on "faith." I'm pretty sure that's what it is for me, my faith tells me that I can trust God's means of handling things......which is allowing us to find our own way through things.

I think maybe the best way I know how to deal with this topic is to explain my process through this particular issue. I have never been mad at God for not saving me. I guess I never had the expectation He would save me. He didn't save His own Son dying on the cross so why would I think He should save me?

Surely, in the beginning I didn't feel like I was worth saving. That, however, has nothing to do with my particular reasons for not wondering "why." I guess for me it was because I realized right off God had helped me. He gave me the tools to help myself.

For a long time I didn't know how to use them, but the tools were always there. I believe that is what God does for each of us. He gives us the tools and we have to chose whether to use them or not. It is up to us to learn how to use those tools to protect ourselves. Sometimes we don't see they are there or what they represent so we don't use them but it is our choice.

As victims we have been convinced to believe that we have NO choices. Because of that we don't look for solutions or we don't trust them when they are right there in front of us. Either way keeps us trapped. We are unable to get free until we seek out those choices and utilize them. We have to "trust" on some level that we can take the risk to try what we don't really believe will work.

I know for me I have gained personal power and respect getting through this stuff. I can't help but wonder if God have saved me, if I wouldn't still be struggling thinking I wasn't worthy in the first place. The journey to get through this stuff has taught me the things it's taken to learn to accept myself and to heal.

For me, I think maybe that was God's plan for us in the first place. Some people will never use what God has given them. They will continue to complain He is unfair and hate Him because that's what they do. That's the kind of people they are. Like I've said many times before, they don't call it "The Road Less Travelled" for nothing. It is a spiritual journey that many chose to never take, others chose the low road and a few chose to find the road to spirituality.


Battle Weary said...

We actually have an older little/tween who's name is Hope. She's been here as long as anyone can remember, and she makes her presence known most when it appears hope has been lost. With her comes renewed hope. We also have one named Faith...same age, same everything, only substitute the word faith for hope.

Lady Of Chaos said...

If God brings you to it, God brings you through it. Kind of a strange sentence but in reality it works. Whether you lead or he does, if God's there you can get through anything. Maybe it takes along time, maybe it happens quickly, but it does happen, maybe not the way you wish it to, but who's to say the way you did get through it isn't just as good as the way you wished it would have happened...

Then there's the other : God helps those that helps themselves...

True also, like you said he can give you the tools needed, but it's up to you to use them.

He doesn't always interfere, or at least not in ways we can see, but whatever his plan is, you have to trust that it's the right one. Sometimes I think he doesn't interfere to teach us to do for ourselves.

Like the parent letting the baby stumble and fall so it learns how to walk. Sometimes you just can't catch the baby...

Well, pretty deep subject, brings up lots more questions as I try to understand more.

I guess that's what life is about, seeking answers and learning.

Enola said...

That "free will" question is something I'm going to ask God when I get to heaven :)

Marj aka Thriver said...

Happy New Year, RR! As usual, a very thought-provoking post. I have to admit that sometimes I just feel overwhelmed to leave a comment, because your posts just make me think so darn much! Don't wantcha to think I'm stalking/lurking though. LOL!

I firmly believe in the gift (curse?) of Free Will. I think the problem is that we humans don't realize that it is an absolute. We want to turn it on and off with "The Easy Button." Nope. Not that simple or easy at all.

I am totally cool with the fact that I, as an adult now, have to do the work of healing and take responsibility for my health, even though I had nothing to do with heaping this trauma on myself as a small child. The thing I do still struggle with, however, is the suffering of tiny, innocent, precious children. I don't have an answer for that question of "why?"

Kahless said...

The question of all questions indeed.

I always think of Judas Iscariot. I question whether he had free will? Afterall Jesus knew he would betray him beforehand. So thats where my question stems from.

I must say in that respect I do feel sorry for Judas; was he a pawn?

Rising Rainbow said...

Battle Weary, I have a Hope and a Faith too. They're not internal, they are names I gave particular horses but they are to remind me of those things too.

LOC, yes, I think that's exactly what life is about...seeking answers and learning.

Enola, LOL, my guess is you won't be alone.

Marj, you are so right about humans wanting a switch to turn "free will" off and on at their whim. And even though there are some terrible things that happen because we have it, I think things would be even worse if we didn't. As much as we hate having been controlled as children, imagine how traumatized we'd be if our whole lives were that way.

Someone, I know once described that ugliness that happens as the result of Original Sin. That puts it back into the context that it isn't God's fault, but the fault of the perpetrator who made the choice.

Rising Rainbow said...

Kahless, I think that Jesus knew what was in Judas' heart that's why He knew he would betray Him. That doesn't make him a pawn of Jesus.

I have no doubt that he was a pawn, however, but a pawn of those who wanted to make an example out of Jesus. The man was weak. He knew that Jesus was innocent but betrayed him for gold because he was more drawn to money and power than right.