So with the current situation having pushed my old buttons and triggered old cult programming I find myself going into self preservation mode. That means that all the normal things I do to "deal" with my issues end up on hold while I just do what I can to be sure I hold things together.
This is not something that I've had to do in a very long time. Normally, I'm not a runner. I'm known for dealing with my issues even when it's difficult. Granted I pick and chose my battles when it comes to conftontation but I'm pretty much a what you see is what you get kind of person. I'm not a game player and if I have a problem with you, you're probably going to hear about it..........well, that is if you're someone important to me.
I'm not the kind of person who will stand by and watch something inappropriate happen. I'll be right in there stepping up and confronting the person who's out of line. Heck, I've been know to confront strangers abusing children in stores or the mall so dealing with my family and their stuff is usually right up my alley.
But since it's my family (daughter and granddaughter) that have pushed my old buttons, I've totally backed off of dealing with them. For the time being I'd be just as happy not to deal with them at all. I'm really walking on eggshells afraid of complicating things any worse than they are all ready.
That really bothers me. The last thing I want is to push them aside but it currently feels like I have to chose between them or my life. While it may not be the best choice in the word.........I have to go with chosing self preservation. Hopefully there will be a lifetime to repair this damage later when the current jeopardy is resolved.
My only fear is that the damage that has been done to my shadow children by my daughter and granddaughter will not be easily repaired. While those children do not come to the forefront, they have a lot to say about how my system functions. If they want walls in place to keep the world at a distance, walls are what they get. I'm afraid there's going to be a lot of remodeling in their castle.