Life sometimes throws me for a loop. It doesn't ever throw me too far, I seem to bounce back pretty well. It just stalls me for a bit. Currently I am in one of those stalls.
It started because I am having cash flow problems in my Arabian horse business and having to make some important but difficult decisions about my dream. I've been posting about it on my other blog Trying to find answers that will work for me and not kill my dream has had me preoccupied so I haven't been posting here. It's not that I haven't written posts, it's that they just aren't coming together or making any kind of sense so they're sitting in my own personal post limbo.
Unfortunately, life has no guarantees that there will be just one problem at a time. Sunday I was having problems with pain under neath my arm and on my left breast. Trying to figure out the source of the pain I found a lump in my breast.
I don't need to tell anyone what kind of fear those words bring. Cancer has affected my life in major proportions from the time I was a child. I know more than anyone should know about the subject. Thankfully I know there can be other reasons for this sudden eruption and pain but that doesn't mean I'm not haunted by the "C" word.
I had a doctor's appointment today. He thinks the shape and consistency of this lump are hopeful. He was able to aspirate liquid from the lump which is also a hopeful sign. But the sample must be sent to the lab to be sure. I also need to schedule a mammogram after the soreness from today's procedure has subsided to aid in a diagnosis. In the meantime, I am to wait.
I don't think it's the wait that's bothering me entirely . The way my family is acting is driving me crazy and I only told part of them. They're walking on eggshells and all stressed out. It's hard to put it aside and try to live my life with them constantly reminding me of this new stress in my life. I'd like to crawl into bed, pull the covers up over my head and not come out until the test results are back. All I can say is it's a good thing I have a horse show this weekend. I will at least be able to escape for a few days anyway.