Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Life, Sore Armpits and Horse Shows

Life sometimes throws me for a loop. It doesn't ever throw me too far, I seem to bounce back pretty well. It just stalls me for a bit. Currently I am in one of those stalls.

It started because I am having cash flow problems in my Arabian horse business and having to make some important but difficult decisions about my dream. I've been posting about it on my other blog Trying to find answers that will work for me and not kill my dream has had me preoccupied so I haven't been posting here. It's not that I haven't written posts, it's that they just aren't coming together or making any kind of sense so they're sitting in my own personal post limbo.

Unfortunately, life has no guarantees that there will be just one problem at a time. Sunday I was having problems with pain under neath my arm and on my left breast. Trying to figure out the source of the pain I found a lump in my breast.

I don't need to tell anyone what kind of fear those words bring. Cancer has affected my life in major proportions from the time I was a child. I know more than anyone should know about the subject. Thankfully I know there can be other reasons for this sudden eruption and pain but that doesn't mean I'm not haunted by the "C" word.

I had a doctor's appointment today. He thinks the shape and consistency of this lump are hopeful. He was able to aspirate liquid from the lump which is also a hopeful sign. But the sample must be sent to the lab to be sure. I also need to schedule a mammogram after the soreness from today's procedure has subsided to aid in a diagnosis. In the meantime, I am to wait.

I don't think it's the wait that's bothering me entirely . The way my family is acting is driving me crazy and I only told part of them. They're walking on eggshells and all stressed out. It's hard to put it aside and try to live my life with them constantly reminding me of this new stress in my life. I'd like to crawl into bed, pull the covers up over my head and not come out until the test results are back. All I can say is it's a good thing I have a horse show this weekend. I will at least be able to escape for a few days anyway.

19 comments:

Vi said...

I've had quite a few lumps in my breasts in the past, all have been benign. My philsophy is, if it hurts, it's just a cyst.

Fingers crossed for you x

DM said...

Thanks for stopping by the blog yesterday and posting a comment...not sure how you feel about praying and things...(I hate it when well meaning people try to comfort/etc.w/ trite platitudes..so I would never do that w/ you..I do feel a groan/prayer welling up inside for you right now as I read your post about cash flow/ and now the lump...If I knew you better I'd write it but here but since I don't, I'd better not.. a fellow blogger DM

Rising Rainbow said...

vi, I'm hoping that you are right. However, I have a friend who was having lots of problems with pain in her armpit and arm. It turned out to be breast cancer and by the time they diagnosed it, it was stage four. I can't seem to get that out of my mind. Can't wait for the results of my tests.

dm, praying is good for me. I do lots of it for other people, not so much for me. lol

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

Praying that the results come with good news for you!

Enola said...

Prayers for you as you go through the diagnosis. Please keep us updated.

Kahless said...

Oh MiKael, I am so sorry. You are the third person within a week that I know with a lump. I will pray for you and think of you.

Lynn said...

I know how you feel. It's scary.
{{{{RR}}}}

keepers said...

praying for you. waiting for test results is horrendous. there are a lot of friends out here keeping you in their thoughts and prayers

peace and blessings

keepers

arthist99 said...

Fingers crossed. I hope it's just an uncomfortable inconvenience and nothing else.

keepers said...

we have been through this wait, if you want to call and talk we will be here

keepers

jumpinginpuddles said...

sits here waiting for the answers also

April_optimist said...

Fingers crossed for you--and prayers too.

"DJ" said...

I've been through breast cancer, but didn't have a lump. It was detected early-stage by a mammogram. Hopefully, yours was just a cyst. I'm praying for this new health issue and your peace of mind. The show timing couldn't be better!

Cheesemeister said...

I hope that the lump is just benign. Sadly, cash flow problems seem to be a very common problem these days. I'd like to get the '90's economy back for a little while. Life wasn't easy then but it was easier. I keep trying to find ways to cut back. At this point it looks like I may have to seek out one of those awful payday loans because my credit is too horrible to qualify for anything else. I wish you every luck in all of your situations. Cliche but true, it never rains but it pours.

Angel said...

Thinking of you and hoping for good news....

Perfect said...

Good thoughts & vibes sent for you. Hope the results come back soon.

And hope the horse show was a welcome distraction and went well.

jumpinginpuddles said...

we have tagged you and any news yet ?

"DJ" said...

Any news yet on the biopsy?

Liza said...

Good for people to know.