Triggers

Well, I didn't post yesterday and I can't believe that Kahless didn't leave me a comment with a hint on where I should go next, BUT she didn't! So guess I am out on a limb and will need to figure something out for myself.

One of the things that occurs to me is that I see some bloggers post Triggers**** as a warning to other bloggers. I understand the reasoning behind this it to not set anyone off or bring up bad memories. And I certainly understand the desire to want to avoid this type of stuff. But I also understand that triggers can be useful in the therapy process.

I have had one comment rolling around in my brain that Missing In Sight made on A Little More History She said... you write of memories just come flooding back to you. I hate the way this will sound, but I wish that could be that way for us. Our walls arer so defense-proof that nothing is getting through or getting out. It is so frustrating. This makes me think of how it felt in the beginning for me. I knew I had stuff to work on. I knew I needed help but I just couldn't seem to get at any of it. That is where triggers became useful for me.

Not that I want to encourage anyone to dive into something they are not ready to deal with yet. But the use of triggers can be very helpful to get the therapy process moving. I relied on triggers in my therapy to help me locate issues I needed to work through. Most of the time I really didn't have a clue what was coming next so triggers were quite helpful in giving me some direction.

Even though in the beginning it may have seemed like I was bouncing off the walls with no rhyme or reason, being able to utilize triggers definitely got my process going well on it's way.

I think that in the beginning my internal walls were so firmly in place that communication between parts that wanted to work and parts that needed to work was pretty much non existent. Once things began to surface through triggers, I was able to have some of those walls not be so impermeable. That began to open up communication internally. The more of that we could accomplish, the easier it was to be able to search out more of our internal issues.

Even if there were parts that didn't want to work, we discovered we could work around them and affect change in them. Once we got that started it made it easier to put internal pressure on them to participate in the process.

I learned pretty quickly to pay attention to even the slightest twinge as a clue to something that needed to be addressed. Without those clues I would have spent a lot of time treading water. I was so ready to get on with it, so I could get on with my life that I welcomed those triggers.

You bet I had some miserable days, weeks and even months but I just kept reminding myself that I was working to get free. I did what I could to reassure those within that this was not going to be a permanent way of life. It was just a short road we were on and at the end of it we would finally be free to live our life our way.

I have even negotiated with parts to get them to co-operate. Bought some clothes, traded tv time whatever it took that was still safe for my system.

It was really surprising to me sometimes the things that affected me. I have said before that I watched TV programs, read books and magazine on abuse. Those things and my experiences in group helped me with triggers.

I can remember a woman in one of my groups talking about abortions that she had had and the resulting problems she had with intimacy and self esteem. I went home and found myself writing poetry to a dead grandchild that I never saw because my teenage daughter had an abortion.

Granted, this trigger didn't send me into the depths of dealing with my ritualistic abuse but it did help to open the door so that I could even get to that place. There were so many things in the life I knew about that hadn't been resolved, that there was no way I was going to get to my core issues without dealing with these things first. This aborted grandchild was just one of many of those.

Once I cleaned up a lot of that excess baggage, then I was able to get down into the memories at the root of my problems. Many of those alters involved were adults or teenagers. Once they had done their healing, they were a powerful force in dealing with my RA issues and my other alters, most of those were very small children. The older alters were healing and so equipped to comfort the younger ones and counter those old messages.

At every step along the way I was able to use triggers to help keep me on task. I believe that my use of them and my refusal to submit to my denial were big factors in recovery.

multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did triggers