I didn't post yesterday because I was gelling for the day, I think. Well, truthfully maybe I hadn't decided what to use as a topic for that post so I decided it was ok that I continue to gel. So I laughed when I received this comment from Kahless on More on Expectations RR,
If you haven't another post in mind, I would be really interested in your thoughts on how someone can practically take steps to improve their self esteem.
My laughter was about two things. First off it felt like Kahless was reading my mind. Now shouldn't that be a scary thought for someone like me. Maybe at one time, but not anymore. It's ok for me if people get to know me but it is kind of funny that it can happen over the internet. lol
Then, I also laughed because the subject matter is flipping huge. As I responded in the comments, there have been entire books written on improving self esteem. Now it occurs to me that this is a gross understatement. There have been literally volumes written about improving one's self-esteem. Now as I think about it, I think I've written lots of posts that really are about doing things that will improve you self esteem.
So I think I'm going to recap some of those posts and let's see if that will get some discussion going here because I'm sure that ALL of you have your own views on these things.
To start off with, the most obvious to me is the post I did on Garbage Feelings and Garbage Feelings Part 2 Learning to shut off those negative messages we learned about ourselves as children is probably one of the most powerful and productive things I can think of to improve one's self-esteem.
While each of us will have our own negative messages to combat, the one thing we all have in common is that those messages are false perceptions forced unto us in dysfunctional homes. Each of us must first identify those messages. Then we must shut them down and replace them with new positive messages.
Another post that comes to mind for me is $20 This post while not my writing illustrates a very important point. That is we have value no matter what we have been through. Reminding ourselves each and every day that we really are important and that we matter is another MUST in achieving healthy self esteem.
The posts Fitting in......... or Not and Fitting In............Or Not! Part 2 are both useful posts in identifying behavior that is not healthy for one's self-esteem. Sacrificing who we really are in order to fit in is probably the widest spread behavior that squashes and destroys self esteem. The only way we can have good healthy self esteem is to be true to ourselves.
There was also the lesson that I learned in my intimacy group. I posted in Staying Stuck and Staying Stuck Part 2 about the ways we hold ourselves back. No one likes to feel powerless. And yet as victims, most of us have convinced ourselves that we have little power in our lives. This kind of thinking causes of to be stuck in our victim behavior. These posts have a great lesson and some ideas on how to reclaim our personal power.
Then, I would be remiss if I didn't include standing up for ourselves as an important source of self esteem. For this I want to include Kahless's recent post Question from Enola
I don't think there is any stronger message to our inner child that we have value than to stand up and protect that child. So to take on the family of origin and finally give that child some protection is a great way to bolster one's self esteem.
Of course, once we have started down that road, it is necessary to keep on going. Protecting the inner child is essential in maintaining healthy self esteem.
As I look back over this post, again I have to laugh. I think that Kahless was asking or maybe hoping for something more simple. I can totally relate to wanting some nice easy little exercise to fix the problem but self esteem just isn't that kind of issue.
There are so many ways throughout the day that we either add to our self-esteem or we diminish it. Finding what it is we do to tear ourselves down is the first step. Figuring out what to do to build us up is the second.
And as you can see by the variety of these posts, there are of myriad of ways that we do our self esteem damage. Changing those behaviors is a long slow process. There just isn't an easy answer. Taking it one day at a time and striving for each day to be better than the last is about the best that any of us can do.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did self esteem