I don't post about this deep depression I was in to bring anyone down, only as a baseline for what I have escaped. If someone can recognize this place as a place where they struggle, then maybe knowing that others have experienced it too and not only survived but are now thriving might be enough to give them some hope. So I believe conveying the depths of the darkness that had swallowed me up is very important
Had the timing been different, I know I would not be here today. All of those things came together at the right time for me. No one knows me as well as I. I don't attempt anything I cannot do and do well. This would not have been an attempt for me, it would have been a successful suicide.
If "Grace" is that thing that happens just at the right time to make a huge difference in one's life, that saves us from ourselves, then that is what I would attribute to the fact I am here today. I'm pretty sure I didn't realize that at the time or even when I went through my therapy. But I am grateful for the grace that saved me from that dark end.
This post, A Little History speaks to how and why I even managed to get into therapy in the first place. While I was in this therapy, it was during this time that I actually managed to fall head first into that hole or maybe it's when I became aware of this hole. I don't really know for sure which is true. But believe me, I remember that hole!
While this particular therapist didn't help me with my abuse issues, it was this therapist that set up the intervention. The intervention was only the first step in the process to get free from that depression that had insinuated itself into every facet of my being. It wasn't like someone flipped a switch and the darkness was gone forever.Instead it appeared as just a flicker of light, a ray of hope.
After the pitch black darkness I had been experiencing even that flicker was blinding. At first I didn't really do much of anything but get accustomed to this new light. I mulled it over wondering if there could really be any chance that I deserved to be alive. I wondered if those professionals had the chance to do it over, would they just let me go. I was far from ready to jump into revamping my psyche but I wasn't ready to let go of that ray of hope either.
To be continued............
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did depression