All of us who are victims of abuse have issues with out mothers. Some are in denial about the situation but have issues none the less. I thought it was interesting as I was listening to Dr Laura on our local radio station and the subject of mothers came up.
The caller had been molested by her step-father as a child. While the mother had divorced the man, she had chosen to keep his name despite the victim's protestations. This victim was currently considering severing contact with her mother and asking Dr Laura if she thought that was appropriate.
I have to say I don't usually listen to Dr Laura, my husband does, but I don't really like her attitude. She comes across to me as short m abrupt, uncaring sometimes. Maybe because of my own history of having detached from my family of origin, I was actually kind of interested in hearing her response to this victim.
I don't know what I expected for sure, but I can tell you I was surprised to hear her say that she thought it was not only wise but mature. She said something else that really struck me. Most adults are so desperate for some kind of parental approval that they cannot bring themselves to separate from parental relationships that are obviously destructive.
While these words may not be an exact quote, I'm telling you they are darn close! Here on this nationally broadcast radio show was a therapist actually telling someone that to pull away was actually MATURE! What struck me about this was all the woman had told her was that her mother continued to use the name of her offender because it was good for her business.
That one statement was enough for Dr Laura to know that this mother was not interested in what was best for her child. She was interested in what was best for her business.
I immediately thought of all of the victims whose blogs I read that are struggling with guilt because they want to or have separated from their mother or others in their families of origin. I thought about all of the different things that have happened to those victims, and yet they still struggle with guilt for leaving that past behind them.
Is it as cut and dried as Dr Laura suggests? If contact with our family of origin continually causes pain, is it ok to just walk away? I believe it is! And I have to say that Dr Laura took a step up in my book. However, I know that this just isn't as easily done as all of that but maybe by putting it into the perspective of Dr Laura, it might just get a bit easier. I kinda like my decision being called mature!
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism