Trust - Faith - Hope

I don't think there is any issue more difficult for a victim to work through than trust. The mere act of victimization blows trust to smithereens. Once you've been hurt how do you trust anyone, let alone yourself.

I hear from so many victims that they don't really care for people. As a matter of fact, when I hear that statement from someone, I'm pretty sure they are a victim whether they know it or not. It's one of those characteristics of victimization.

I know particularly the victims of childhood abuse tend to find themselves faced with offender type personalities throughout their lives. Instead of considering the possibility that it might be something about them that they seek out that type of person, they think that it is just all people are bad.

I wonder if the more severe childhood trauma ends with more severe adult trauma. I guess the reason that I wonder that is my history sounds like something out of fiction instead of real life.
Aside from being a victim of ritual abuse, I was molested by a creepy old man on the way to school and by my brother. And as an adult, I married not one, but two, batterers and child molesters. And as if that isn't enough, I have been raped as a young adult more times than I can remember. Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say more times than I care to count.

So if anyone was not going to trust human beings across the board, you'd think it would be me. But it's not. I've actually learned that people in general in this world have pretty good hearts! I not only think that in my head, I feel that in my heart.

multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did
However, I know that it is easier to put up high walls because the world is bad than face the fact that we might have some control over our lives. But to do so and shut out all help definitely keeps us trapped in our own victim behavior.

Victims are so used to not having control, they don't really know how to exercise it. Just like the self talk they have learned to keep themselves trapped, feeling like they are powerless to change their lives because it's everyone else out there is also a trap learned from their offenders.

The fact is that victims do tend to gravitate towards relationships where they will be victimized. Whether it be friends, love interests, business connections or professionals etc. abuse is our comfort zone. Just as we find making healthy changes difficult, we find surrounding ourselves with people who act in a healthy manner frightening. It is far easier to walk into a crowd of abusers than to walk into a crowd of nurturing people. We know how to act with the abusers. While nurturing people can be downright terrifying.

Just like the children of alcoholics think they are never going to grow up and be like their alcoholic parents only to find themselves caught in that trap. Victims of child abuse grow up and find themselves in unhealthy relationships. It is our behaviors that keep us trapped and we seek out those with similar behaviors. The ying and yang would be victims and offender. The key to getting free is by changing those behaviors.

We have to learn to step outside our comfort zone and trust that we will find help. That's a pretty tall order when our trust has been blown to smithereens. But we have to have faith. I don't know if it's faith in God or faith in others who have healed or just plain old blind faith, but to take that risk, or yet another risk, in the hopes of healing is the only way that we can be free of all of that childhood crap.