Being victims, we are all familiar with games. We have been trapped in our family games for so long they are second nature to us. We can get so caught up in them that we don't even realize that we are playing along. Taking our place, fulfilling our role, just as the game master intended.
Identifying those games and the role that we have played in them is not always easy. It's much easier to look outside our self and see the games that others play than to identify those that we participate in.
I think that's one of the ways that therapy works. There we have an observer who has no stake in the outcome of our family games to help identify the issues (or moves). Just as we may easily see other's games, the therapist can easily identify our behavior as part of a family's dynamic. It may not be in our best interest to be confronted about game playing so a therapist might avoid that. But by helping us to identify how we feel in a given situation and to see that maybe we have other choices than what we've been lead to believe can be most helpful in helping us to change such behavior and extricate ourselves from the family sickness.
In the comments on her post Out of my mind. on Kahless asked, RR ... The games are really hard to understand, "why?"
I think answer to that question lies in our closeness to the problem and in the fabric of our families. Each one of us is made from a little bit different cloth. The colors and textures are dictated by the specifics of our abuse and our family structure.
We have been raised with the idea that this is what family is about. The fabric that we see is an illusion of what they told us a family should be. It is only when we allow ourselves to see the threads that wove this cloth that we can see the lies and manipulations that have created the illusion.
As a person who really likes to get into my head and "understand" the whys and how's of things, it seemed like second nature for me to dissect my family cloth once I started therapy. I not only wanted to know the story of each and every thread, I wanted to understand why it was woven the way that it was. What the advantage was to them to spin it so? etc.
The end result was getting the roles within my family defined so clearly that I can spot their games a mile away. Before they even make their next move, I know what is coming.
I clearly understand that the family fabric is designed to present to the world as camouflage. How dense the fabric is directly speaks to the complexity of the secrets it hides. The number one rule of the game is at all costs the family offender is to be protected.
The most effective way to accomplish this is by attacking the victim. Keep the victim on the defensive so that she/he will expend all energy trying to be accepted within the family structure. An accomplishment that will never happen because that desperate need to belong is what keeps the victims focused on conforming.
Now, there are lots of variations on this. Each person has a different role to keep the focus off of the offender and onto other issues within the family. The family must still function within society so the entire family must assist in presenting the camouflage to the outside world. Each role is important in presenting a uniform fabric.
Should a family member quit participating in the family game, another member of the family will take over that person's role. Also, the other family members will do what they can to bring the wandering member back into the game. The only way the game can continue is by keeping the peace so the fabric is intact.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did games people play