Doctors and Dentists and Such

With the accident that I had yesterday, it's probably a good time to post about how I am with doctors and dentists and the like . That would be NOT GOOD! (and probably how I'm feeling might be good too so I'll do that at the end of this post)

With the dentist, it is fear. I had a dentist appointment this week and I had to take my husband with me into the room so that I don't flee. I am terrified at the dentist. I am getting to the point where I can handle getting my teeth cleaned ok but anything where they start sticking things into my mouth and I just can't handle it.

The voices in my head being screaming and crying. I do everything I can to make myself stay but when they begin sticking things in my face, it's really a struggle.

I have several broken teeth that require crowns. I have needed these crowns for I don't even know how many years. I get them done one at a time as I feel I can get myself through it. This week was one of those appointments.

First they had to x-ray the teeth to decide which one was to be the priority. I think they have a new digital machine since last I was there and the part on this one that goes into the mouth is right at my limits of toleration. I do get through it, but if Dave wasn't there holding my hand, it would never happen.

Then those things they use to take impressions also are bad for me. The longer they sit, the worse I get. The one for the temporary crown doesn't have to sit nearly as long as the one for the permanent crown and I can just about tolerate the temp. But the seven minutes with that glob of crab in my mouth sets for all kinds of wailing in my minds. The noise builds and builds as the clock ticks away. by the time the timer dings, I'm in a cold sweat and my head is spinning. I know in my head they are not trying to kill me but I feel like I'm suffocating none the less.

This trip they impressions had to be redone. The first set ended up with a bubble right in a crucial area so they had to make another one. I thought I was going to flee right on the spot. I did keep myself in the chair but I barely made it through the seven minutes. Tears were beginning to stream down my eyes and it was the worst it's been in a long time.

I know that I'm not alone. Many survivors have similar problems with dentists and some with doctors too. Poor Dave has to take me to the doctor too. Most of the time I won't go without him. Although I do like my current doctor, I still have to have Dave for moral support. I only go when I have to. I would never see a doctor if I could figure out how to get the drugs I need without one (I have chronic allergy problems) I have to be unable to function to go at all.

So where does that leave me when I get hurt, like yesterday. Well, not at a doctor's office or hospital I can tell you. I can convince myself I don't need a doctor even though I probably do. Maybe it's all those years of being told nothing was wrong with me when I was hurting from abuse. Maybe it's my incredibly high pain threshold. I don't know. All I know is I just won't go unless I can't function.

So now for my accident. I was thrown from a horse, pretty violently thrown. I landed on my head, neck and elbow. My helmet is toast, but thankfully not my brain. I have a bruise at the base of my skull into my neck. I was also stepped on pretty dramatically and am bruised badly from that as well.

I have been in a couple of car accidents where I sustained pretty serious soft tissue injuries (both are lifetime injuries). I'm hurting every bit as much from this accident as I did either one of those.

I haven't been to a doctor. But I haven't ruled going to one totally out. With the muscle spasms I am experiencing, I may not be able to heal without professional help. If my symptoms increase instead of lesson, I will go. In the meantime, I feel like I AM a train wreck. It's not often I feel my age but today is definitely one of those times.

multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did