My "Real" Therapy

I don't want to give the impression that I think therapy is bogus even though I used the word in talking about my first therapy in yesterday's post, Therapy - Bogus or Productive I really have no idea if the therapy that went on in that place was productive for other people or not. I just know it wasn't productive for me. And I think after that experience, any time a person is in therapy and they end up feeling somehow like they're the one that's wrong all the time. that's a good sign to move on and find a different therapist.

My "real" therapy began with the second place I went for therapy. The agency specialized in treating both victims and offenders of sexual abuse and had group sessions for victims of childhood sexual abuse. I didn't know they treated offenders when I started. That may have been enough to scare me away. But by the time I did learn they treated offenders, I was firmly on a path of healing and nothing could have drug me away from it.

I would describe this part of my journey as having two different phases. During the first phase I dealt with the sexual abuse by my older brother that started when I was ten or eleven. The second phase was dealing with the issues that caused me to split off into multiple personalities.

This first phase was a whirlwind for me. It took place over about six months. I had none of the usual denial about the sexual abuse happening. By the time I arrived to start therapy, I knew it had happened and it didn't take long before I knew it was not my fault.

This brief journey gave me a chance to learn about how a productive therapy process should work. I understood that the secret, whatever it might be, needed to be exposed. Without sharing the secret, the feelings surrounding it could not change.

Then there was denial. I learned that denial, too, was a part of the process, just like in the stages of grief. It was there to protect us from being overwhelmed but it could be abused. I saw people who totally used their denial to avoid dealing with there feelings. I was determined not to let myself fall into that. I learned confronting one's own denial can be helpful to the healing process.

I learned about co-dependency and alcoholic family systems. I also learned how a healthy family system should function. I learned that I wasn't responsible for other's feelings and that I was only responsible for my behavior. I even got a good sense of how and why that could be true as I began to understand that sometimes feelings don't really match what's going on.

I also began to see why I had been attracted to men who had been prone to violence. The warning signs I'd seen early in the relationships yet I had totally ignored them. Keeping to the family rules, I had brushed them aside as nothing when in fact they were the clues that could have protected me from my terrible mistakes with men. I learned I should have been listening to my gut.

I began to understand victim behavior and how it related to me. With that understanding came the first acceptance of myself as a human being. While this was only the first layer of the onion that was to be my past, I peeled it away thoroughly and resolved every issue. By doing so my system gained the advantage of having some very healthy personalities to assist with the deeper darker layers.

Part 2

multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did depression therapy