So What Did Ritualistic Abuse Mean to Me, a Victim? Part 4

So with most of the agreements out of the way, let's get back to the bedtime revelation that it was so darned important to get up for, the thing we didn't want to get forgotten if we feel asleep without righting it.

Some people think that the offenders in ritualistic abuse know how to produce multiple personality disorder. That they deliberately do what they do to cause it to happen. I don't know if I believe that is true. But I do know that they know if they start a victim off gradually and build up the abuse making it worse and worse as they go along, they can deaden the victim's feelings.

They can use fear, pain and guilt with such art that they can guarantee that victim will eventually shut off their feelings. Whether or not they understand they can actually split a victim into parts we may never know. But they do know that they as long as they keep at it, can get a victim to shut down emotionally. They may or may not understand those feelings are locked away in little boxes and I don't think they really care. Their goal is to have a victim who does not feel.

Once they have accomplished that, then they know they can get that victim to do about anything they want. They can pretty much control that victim and use them any way they please. That is the goal of ritual abuse, to control the victim's mind.

They want the victim to believe that they are rotten and useless and not worthy of being alive. They want the victim to believe that the pain will kill them. They want the victim to believe what is happening to them is their (the victim's) fault . They want the victim to believe that he/she has control over what is happening when in reality, the only one in control is the offender. But the key to ritual abuse is setting the victim up to feel so powerless they become submissive.

And should they get lucky and produce a victim that has rage right along with the other victim feelings, then that is all the better because they know they have the groundwork in place to control that too. A victim with enough rage, they can turn into another offender like themselves to keep their cause alive. Ritualistic abuse is the ultimate in mind control.

From the beginning, they were the ones with the power. They were the ones in the control. I had none of those things. Once I understood that,t hen, and only then, did I realize that I was NOT responsible for anything that happened. I was NOT responsible because they had taken away from me my free will.

Ritualistic abuse happening to me meant I was NOT the person I wanted to be. I was the person I was ALLOWED to be. Learning that fact meant I finally had the power to BECOME the person I want to be, the person I was meant to be.

My entire life I spent trying to make everyone outside of me happy. I was convinced if I could just get "it" (whatever it was) right, that was the key to my happiness. I was driven to get it right. I had no opinions of my own. I walked, talked, dressed and thought to please others.

From my favorite color to my favorite food, to my hobbies, to my job, you name it, it was all about approval. It was all about something I could never get. AND I had no idea I was so controlled. I had no idea I so denied myself. I had no idea I was a victim of mind control in its most insidious form.

It took me some time and listening to the parts within to figure out who I wanted to be, what was important to me and all of those things. In my comments, jumpingpuddles asked I was asked how I've gotten to the point that I can sleep, this was it. Finding out who it was that my collective system wanted to be.

Once all the garbage planted within my personalities by my offenders was discarded, I was able to find the real wishes and hopes and dreams. Being true to them I can easily sleep at night.