Sunday, November 7, 2010

Bitter

I came to a realization last night when I was at at annual dinner meeting for my horse club. I am getting to be rather bitter about some of the things that have happened to me over the last couple of years. I am so angry about people jumping in and taking sides who don't even know me or anything near the truth about stuff that has happened that it's done something inside me.

Normally I am pretty easy going. I am accepting of people along with their flaws and I don't take things personally. However, these betrayals by people I thought were my friends have felt darn personal and those on the fringe taking sides have felt pretty darn personal too. The whole thing has ellicted a response in me I just didn't expect and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. All I know is I don't like it at all.

5 comments:

English Rider said...

I don't know if we achieve more clarity of vision as we mature, allowing us to see aspects of people's character we blurred over before. It may be that in hard times we have less of ourselves to give. I've noticed that I judge people more and have been willing to let a few "friends" go. There are new friends out there.

Rising Rainbow said...

ER, I don't know if it's about letting go of people I thought were my friends. That may be part of it but I find myself being so livid because someone who didn't ever know me in the first place has taken such a dislike to me over something someone else told them I did. I try so hard to be fair and honest with people and this is the total opposite, I guess. All I know is I am really taken aback at my own reaction to this. I guess it's because it feels so unjust.

63mago said...

Amazed about yourself, after all these years? :) Still something to discover, hey!

Muddy K said...

Ahh yes, the spectre of the unjust. I think that if you acquire a sense of fairness/unfairness when you are young (especially through bad experiences) it is a thing that will stay with you for the rest of your life, ebbing and flowing with circumstance. Oh, it is impossible to shake, and it changes shape as the years roll by. The sense of unfairness and the sense of bitterness in the face of it often pull in the same harness. Sometimes seeing the truth is ugly, and it's natural to wrap it in gut-level anger, which can often be mistaken for bitterness. I don't think you are bitter at all. I doubt this blog would exist if you were.

Rising Rainbow said...

mago, I think there's always something we can learn about ourselves, don't you?

Muddy K, you may be right. I know I am really angry for sure. What I'm going to do about it is yet to be determined but I'm thinking I'm going to post about it on my other blog. Maybe telling my side of the story will help me not feel so victimized.